October 24th, 2020
Here at Horsefeathers Magazine we believe that, over the years, mass surveillance has gotten an unnecessarily bad rap – primarily thanks to the grotesque asshattery of naysayers like that George Orwell guy; 1984 wasn't that bad of a year at all.
We intend to right this wrong and prepare the world for the sweet release of thought control.
But obviously we won't just try to persuade you to agree with us. For the sake of epistemological fairness we today present you with an objective and unbiased list of the pros and cons of mass surveillance, so you can make an informed decision for yourself.
Pros of mass surveillance:
- Someone's always watching you masturbate.
- There's always a camera pointed at you, so you get to feel like a celebrity.
- Morality loses all meaning, because you can't make any questionable decisions without getting caught, so self-regulation is no longer an act of discipline but just a mere necessity.
- "Free will" now really is the illusion it always has been.
- Your body will be found fast if you get murdered, so you won't be a rotten corpse for your funeral, but you're not going to get murdered, because your potential murderer has already been apprehended, because he googled "how to murder someone when you're under surveillance 24/7 by this fucking police state".
- Free rehab because all drugs are obviously being made illegal as well now that we finally have the technology to actually wage war on narcotics.
- Booming economy due to insane increase in prison construction and prison personnel jobs.
- You can always check in on your spouse to make sure that bitch isn't cheating by asking the state for the surveillance tapes which they'll hand over without a second thought, because privacy policies are nothing but a formality.
- There's always someone to share your experiences with.
- Voice your concerns directly to a government employee who gives even less of a shit about you than the ones we have to tolerate at the moment.
- Everything you do will be a performance and thus much more clearly reveal the arbitrary nature of this act we call "being a part of society".
Cons of mass surveillance:
- Negligible decrease in privacy.
As you can clearly see, nothing really speaks against mass surveillance. In fact, mass surveillance is the optimal solution to most of the problems we face as a species. This also explains the appeal of religion.
All we need as humans is to feel seen and heard – with mass surveillance we will finally all get the attention we crave and deserve.
The only issue with mass surveillance is that we are still not making use of it.
